::ignoring the warning
1:17 a.m. - 2005-02-07
pulling open the desk drawer, i scrounge for index cards
that probably aren't really there, and my hand closes
on a hard rectangle, which i deliver to lamp light.
the pack of cigarettes aren't what i expected, but still
i admire them and the comfort they offer me. my ears
still ring with his earlier accusations of infidelity.
i would never do something like that, and i could use
the comfort the nicotine promises. as i simultaneously
scoot my chair closer to the window and tap out
one long, glorious cigarette. then i smile and reach for a
nearby match: lighting up, exhaling into the screen--exposed
by the open window--and watching my smoky breath disappear.
with the scent of burning tobacco dangling from my left hand,
i turn the pack of cigarettes over in my right, examining it from
every angle until my eyes rest on the surgeon general's warning.
drawing the cigarette back to my lips for a hit of comfort, i pause
in my thoughts--remembering the better comfort you offered me--and
suddenly i find myself wishing that you had come with a warning instead.
